Graveyard pick-up lines

Today was a first for me. A guy tried to pick me up in a graveyard. Here's what went down: As you have rightfully assumed, it was hilarious.

I am now car-less after returning the car I had been blessed with for most of my time here. I decided to go to the cemetary by my house to take pictures. Cemetaries can make for some cool pics and this cemetary is old and gigantic. I walked around reading grave stones and taking pics. This guy in a white Explorer stops me and asks if I know where Howard Hughes' grave is. (He is buried in the cemetary.) I tried my best to explain it to him but the cemetary is like a giant maze. He drives off and I go back to my pensiveness and photography.

Then when I am in another part of the cemetary, he rolls up again. I tried to head in the other direction, but he calls out to me. I go over to his car and he introduces himself as Smiley. I immediately notice that his name is tattooed on his arm. How lovely. He tells me that the Howard Hughes question earlier was just his excuse to talk to me. He used to work at the cemetary until he got fired. He says he is in the military now and stationed at Ellington Field. He makes me hold his puppy, Tiny. He tells me that he thinks I am cute and beautiful so he had to talk to me.

The man is clearly near-sighted as I am wearing a baggy shirt and work out shorts, I am sweaty and have a serious case of cloud hair frizz. He has a strange definition is beautiful. I usually use these types of situations as a chance to lie but this time I gave it to him straight. I told him I was going back to Hawaii and would not have time to get together with him. I did not mention the part about not being interested in someone with Smiley tattooed on his arm. We shook hands and I walked home, constantly looking over my shoulder to see if Tiny and Smiley were following me. Pretty funny! Who tries to pick up a girl in a graveyard. So romantic!

This is my second funny experience in this particular graveyard. The first was right before I went to Maui the first time. My dad convinced me, Emily and Sarah Morgan to go on a walk through the cemetary at night. The place was closed but we didn't think that was a big deal since we were just going for a walk. We walked deep into the cemetary for about twenty minutes before we noticed headlights in the distance. Then came a big spotlight that began searching the woods. We realized they were after us and that we were technically trespassing.

My dad started freaking out about how he is lawyer and that trespassing would look really bad. So, we decided to try to sneak out of the cemetary without getting caught. We crouched behind gravestones and traveled in the shadows. Emily was not dressed for the ocassion, wearing bright white pants. She was running, crouched down with her gleaming white butt waggling in the air. It was quite a sight. At one point we lost Sarah Morgan. I wasn't worried, though, because she is the most competant person I know. We finally all made it back to the entrance and ran out. Moments later, we looked back to see police cars at the entrance of the cemetary. We had narrowly escaped.

What a sight it must have been to see four adults: a lawyer and three teachers: one with white pants running like guerilla soldiers through the darkened cemetary. What an adventure!

Day of Discontent

Yesterday I felt moody and melancholy. I hate those feelings. I think being home has aroused some emotions in me that I was not prepared for. I have noticed an annoying pattern within my post-college self, I am not content to chill where I am. I constantly feel the need to think and daydream about the next step. When I was at home after DTS, I couldn’t wait to get back to full-time ministry in Maui. But now that I am so briefly home again, I find myself longing for stability, money, and a family. This probably has something to do with my friends buying houses and having kids. I think I get nervous that I will never settle down. I like security and I don’t like change so the thought of settling down in Houston, sounds really appealing right now.

If I were God, I know I would be thinking something like this: She didn't like living in Houston. She wanted to go back to Maui and I let her go back to Maui. Now, she wants to be back in Houston. Can't she just make up her mind?

At the same time, I know that when I am settled in Houston with a husband and kids, I will miss my missionary days and the crazy adventures. I need to become like the apostle Paul and be able to say that I can find content in every circumstance. Constantly thinking about the next phase in my life is only going to cheapen what I am going through now. I am excited to return to Maui and lead a team to Bangladesh. I just think that being in Houston has made me think too much about how my life will be when I return in a year. I know that returning to Maui will make a lot of this future plan stuff seem less pressing. I am also trying to spend more time with God and let his word speak to my insecurities.

An ode to Kitty

For those of you who know me well, you may remember my family cat, Whiskers (otherwise known as "kitty"). This is the cat my mom was given at Christmas time in 1990. My dad let me in on the secret gift and when my dad saw the cat food my mom bought, he knew I had squealed.

Kitty did not care for me and I did not care for kitty. He was a Siamese cat, which meant he was mean. He would be in your lap purring and then turn on you. His eyes would turn red and he would pounce on you. He scratched my brother in the head and made him bleed. The only person he liked was my mom.

David Ray tried to make kitty love him but it did not work. When David came over to my house, he would immediately cuddle with kitty. He would insist that despite the fact that kitty was hissing and struggling to get out of his arms, kitty loved him. I was not buying it. I always feared for David's life during these exchanges.

I knew kitty was going downhill the other day when he came and laid on my lap. If he was in his right mind he would have been able to clearly see that I was not my mom/his only fan. He stopped eating this week and my mom said he smelled like death, whatever that means.

He had been close to death during the Hurricane Rita scare. My mom wanted to take him to the vet to be put down but the hurricane shut everything down. As my dad said, kitty got a reprieve from his death sentence. He liked to yell, Dead Cat Walking!

This time my mom tried to get me to do her dirty work. She tried to make me take kitty to the vet today to get killed. Now I was not opposed of getting rid of this cat that never did anything nice for me. I just didn't feel right about forcing kitty to spend his final hours with me, who could care less about him. My mom needed to do this herself. So, she did it and Whiskers "kitty" Hightower is no longer of this earth. My mom thinks kitty will be in kitty heaven but if there is a kitty heaven (i have seen no evidence for this in the Bible), kitty was far too nasty to gain admittance.

Despite my animosity towards kitty, it is strange that he is gone. So, rest in peace kitty. You will be missed, well kind of.
Whiskers "kitty" Hightower November 1990- March 28, 2006

Bluebonnets a plenty

This weekend I went to Austin. It was a short trip but good times. I got to see Jocelyn and Jason, Lucy, Lindsay, Julie Schwarz and my old pal, Paul Dabney. I got to go to some of my favorite eating establishments: Magnolia Café, EZ’s, Spider House, Jimmy John’s and that excellent little snow cone stand near Barton Springs. Mmmm. I love visiting Austin but there are always moments of sadness when I realize that I no longer have a home there. I am no longer a resident but a mere visitor. There are always a lot of changes and I hate change.

Unfortunately my Longhorns lost in basketball to LSU. I was a bit torn because I had enjoyed watching LSU win the other day and had grown fond of this team that includes a player called “Big Baby.” Though I root for my alma mater, UT, over any other team, I had a hard time with this game. In fact, when we started sucking in overtime, I actually wanted LSU to win. I will be rooting for them to win the whole thing.

There were some amazing bluebonnets on the way to Austin. John and Sarah and I stopped and took some pictures on our way back. I am posting them on my website for all to enjoy.

I can’t sleep lately and I think it is some sort of mutant jet lag. I tried to stick to Maui time and go to bed late and wake up late. That quickly turned into go to bed late and wake up at a reasonable time so you don’t feel like a total slacker. This meant I was going to sleep at 4am and waking up at 9:30. This is not an adequate amount of sleep. Then at 9pm each night, I felt dreadfully tired but could not fall asleep until way after midnight. This cycle sucks! It is like my body is already trying to get back on Maui time but it is not doing a good job. Luckily I can call Amy in Maui when I am up late at night. Hooray for drastic time changes.

Random Japanese woman

Last night I watched my Texas longhorns win due to a three-pointer with .8 seconds left. It was amazing! Have I mentioned how much I love college basketball? Well, I do. Right now I am watching a b-ball game whose teams I don't care about but it's college basketball so I am enjoying it. I just like college sports. With the exception of the Rockets in the early 90's I think college sports is where it's at. It doesn't hurt that my alma mater has some awesome teams.

Today I felt kind of anxious with an overall lack of peace. In Maui, I feel peaceful because I understand my role and I know what is going to happen next. Here in Houston again, I am not sure what I should be doing with my time and I feel uncertain about the eventual outcomes of life situations. I pretty much need to be patient but that is something I constantly struggle with. I tried working out but this did not aleviate my uneasiness. Then I came to the logical decision that I need to spend more time with God. I went to a coffee shop with my Bible, journal and a book I'm reading called Velvet Elvis. My time with the Big Guy was all that I had hoped. I came to this semi-insightful realization. The bible talks about fruits of the spirit- Galatians 5:22
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." When we are obviously lacking in one of these areas, like me with patience and peace right now, we need to go back to the source of this fruit- God. When you reconnect with Him, you will find as I did today that it is much easier to have patience or peace or whatever you're lacking.

After my coffee shop God time, I felt much better. As I was walking in the parking lot, an older Asian woman stopped me. She had been sitting near me and noticed me reading my Bible. She proceeded to tell me herr life story in broken English. She had tried a lot of different religions including: Budhism, Judaism and New Age. She had recently become a Christian by watching TBN. This seems like a miracle in itself since that lady with pink hair frightens me quite a bit. She felt like God wanted her to come to Texas and marry this doctor. She has been here five years and is not even close to marrying the doctor. Now her job prospects here are slim but she has had offers in Kentucky. She is confused about what God wants her to do next. I mainly listened to her and then I prayed for her. It was an odd experience but a cool chance to encourage a fellow believer. It really pays to spend time wth God.

Oh college basketball, how do I love thee?

Blog 3-23

Time is going by more quickly here than I expected. Sleeping until 11am most mornings is a contributing factor for sure.

I did not purposely time my trip around the NCAA Basketball tournament but being able to watch tons of good basketball games on an HD cable television is amazing! It is a big change from my TV in Maui that looks like fuzz at all times. During college football season, I often had to hold the antenna above my head to make it no longer look like it was snowing on the field. Ahhh….. the perks of being at my parents’ house.

Last night I visited some of my Young Life kids. Due to lack of leaders, they have had to combine my Northbrook High School kids with their rival, Spring Woods High School. It was good to see the kids but most of my favorites were not there. I hope they will be there when I go next week. They did a skit where the kids had to wrap a live chicken in wrapping paper. Some of the kids and leaders just spazzed when the chicken would get near them. It was so funny! I guess I am used to random chickens after living in Maui.

Today I went bowling with my friend, Katie H. It was good times even though I really sucked. I’d been wanting to go bowling for a while since the only bowling alley in Maui is supposedly so local that they would refuse service to haolies (Howlies or white people). Then we ate lunch at a café that my mom refers to as “the lesbian deli.” Lesbians or no lesbians, they make some great food. Everything I have ever had there is excellent.

Later I played disc golf by myself. It was ridiculously cold so I tried to play fast. I just really wanted to play and I wasn’t going to let the fact that I could see my breath stop me. It was also a good time for me to get away from distractions and spend some time with God.

Then I watched an excellent game of basketball. LSU played awesome and beat Duke, the number one seed team. It was so good! I kept yelling out loud. Thankfully no one else was home to make fun of me. Now I am watching my Longhorns, who are doing good so far. Hooray for college basketball!

Too much Dr. Pepper

I have caffeinated myself too much this evening and that is why I find myself writing in my blog at 3am. I thought about calling my Hawaii friends but even they might be asleep at this hour.

Yesterday I visited my old work, Soundwaves. I saw pretty much all the people I wanted to see. I also found out that I still get my discount even though it has been lowered from 45% to 35%. It was nice to be able to get it without sneaking around and having a friend buy my stuff. When I was shopping, I kept feeling like I needed to get back to work. It was a bit weird. I have considered working there if I come back from YWAM in a year to get a teaching job. The job wouldn't start until August so I would need something until then. Maybe Soundwaves. We'll see because that is a long way off.

I went to my friends, Sarah and John's new house. They have finally moved back to Texas and have settled in Pearland, which is apparently the new cool place to be. Their house was cool and bigger than I expected. They are officially real people. I on the other hand, am definitely not a real person right now. My dad would object to this kind of labeling so maybe I should say that my life is more unorthodox than theirs right now.

I watched part of the show Dog the Bounty Hunter today. It was funny because they were looking for a big Samoan guy wearing a grey shirt and black shorts. My friend, Terry is from the Cook islands, so he looks Samoan, he is big and always wears a grey shirt and black shorts. It turns out Dog the bounty hunter was not looking for my friend afterall, but it was a funny thought.

I have received some disturbing news that people in Maui are watching my boxsets without my permission. Normally I would not mind but certain YWAM people are not careful with stuff and things that get left in the living room get trashed. The worst part was that the offenders were watching my Season 2 of Arrested Development, which I have not even watched yet. Shady! I think Amy is going to regulate on them. She has my back.

Blog lessons

I have had a blog epiphany. I read someone else's blog who wrote about someone but withheld enough details so that I couldn't figure out who they were talking about. I decided to use this technique to discuss some frustrations I was having. Unfortunately I tend to over-detail rather than under-detail and my attempt at being vague ended up being ridiculously obvious to most people I know. I tried to back peddle by erasing the aforementioned posting but it was too late. Several people had already read it including the person I was not so vaguely talking about. Smooth move. It ended up facilitating a much needed conversation, but I think I will stick to being funny and stop with the vulnerable stuff.

So far, being at home is still going well. It is so nice to be free of responsibility for a bit. I have decided not to worry too much about seeing people this week and let stuff happen naturally. Then next week I will make more of an effort to see my friends. This three week thing is nice because I don't feel rushed. This is very unlike my two previous visits where I barely had time to breathe.

I already got to go on a mini roadtrip. It was just to College Station but it felt so nice to drive. Road trips are one of the things I miss the most on Maui. Next week i am going to Austin, which is a little bit longer drive. The bluebonnets are out and they are beautiful. I have missed them. I will definitely live in Texas for most of my life. This place is just too great as are the people I love here. I have decided that all my friends (excluding the YWAMers- though they are welcome to participate) must live within an 8 hour radius of Houston, TX. This seems more than reasonable since this includes parts of Texas, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi and even Mexico. This way I can take a one day road trip to visit those that I love. This seems like an excellent arrangement.

I am very excited about all the babies my friends are bringing into the world. Hoku, a YWAM wife just gave birth to Elias Osterhus. There are two more YWAM babies on the way. Then there will be little Joe Morrow and baby girl Musselman and baby Muir. So fun! I can't wait to see what they all will look like.

Sleeping in a V shape

Blog

So I am back in the Lone Star State! Yay!

The day I left Maui, I felt kind of apprehensive about coming home but I am not even sure why. Now that I am actually here, it feels good.

The day I left I got to go with Amy and her visiting Canadian youth group kids to Kaanapali. It is fun playing tourist. It was also good to hang out with Amy since my friendship with her is one of the best things about Maui.

I took some Tylenol PM to try to sleep on the plane. I thought it wasn’t working but then I woke up four hours later. There was a strange spunky old lady sitting next to me on that flight. In the middle of my nap, I wake up to find her leaping over me. It was a bit strange since she was old and the normal action would be to shake me awake and ask me to move; not vault over me.

I have decided to just stick to Maui time while I am here. I will just stay up late and wake up late. This is my ideal schedule anyway. Most of my friends work during the day anyway. I have already gotten a chance to hang out with Sarah, John, Thama and Emily. I was worried about not having much car access since my mom needs her car for work. I have been so incredibly blessed. One of my supporters is letting me use her car while I am here. What an amazing surprise! I was speechless. This unexpected generosity will make my time here so much better. Yay God!

My parents have changed my room around. When I was living with them before, I started out in the room on the bottom floor and later moved to the third floor. Now I am back on the first floor. The bed in the room is one of those craftmatic adjustable beds like you see on tv. My grandparents bought it but didn’t like it. You push a button and the end of the bed raises up. Another button makes the head of the bed raise up. If you press both of them, you end up making a V shape. I tried squishing Emily in the V shaped bed. It was fun.

Here are some things I have missed while I have been in Hawaii.
-carpet- it feels amazing
-clean- with constantly open windows and Maui dirt, nothing is ever really clean
-my own indoor bathroom with a bathtub that won’t give me hepatitis if I lay in it
-stocked refrigerator where I don’t have to write my name on everything and I can eat whatever I want
-No bugs or spiders in the house. They burned the cane fields right before I left causing spiders and roaches to infiltrate our house.

Despite all these amenities, I do miss my YWAM friends.

Plane Crash

On Wednesday night, Amy, Carrie and I were working out at the gym when there was a big boom. Even through my music I could hear and feel the boom. It seemed weird but since I was running on the treadmill and listening to music, I didn't really know what was happening. Then several fire trucks and police cars came racing by. I figured that something must have exploded.

When we finished at the gym, we walked outside and saw a commotion. We walked closer to the chaos and saw what had happened. A small plane had crashed into the BMW dealership. It destroyed about ten cars. When we got to the scene, it was still on fire. You could see the damaged cars but you couldn't see the plane because of the thick cloud of smoke surrounding that area. There were so many other curious people around: primarily lots of Hawaiians and mulleted people.

The next day I found out more information about the crash. It was an air ambulance- a small plane that was coming to transport a patient from Maui to Oahu. The occupants were the pilot and two nurses. These three people were the only casualties since the BMW dealership was closed for the day. They are not yet sure exactly what happened to cause the accident. It was pretty crazy and sad for those involved.

Hard decision: Surfing or Work?

Yesterday I skipped work and went surfing. Tuesday is a day that I do not have much to do so when my roommate asked if I wanted to go longboarding, I just had to go. We had a fun time. The waves were decent and I had not been in so long. I am thinking about selling my shortboard, which I suck at and putting that money towards getting a longboard with my friend, Ashley. We'll see. I have had little success selling my car so I don't know why I think I will be able to sell my surfboard.

Surfing yesterday was a good step towards me getting a better tan. I need to look dark when I come home. It is expected since I have been in Hawaii. I can't believe I come home in a week. I am so excited! I wish I could bring Amy home with me since I know I will miss her a lot. Oh well, it is only for three weeks.

It looks like I won't get to see Andrew after all. I even canceled my flight. There is still a chance I can still see him but I don't even know at this point. It is frustrating to me. I can only imagine how much more frustrating it must be for Andrew and Shella.

And Now... Two Hitchhiking Stories:

Amy and I hitchhiked to Wal-Mart yesterday. This is pretty much a standard thing. After Wal-Mart we went to the corner where we always hitch back to Paia. As we rounded the corner, we saw another hitchhiker. This is problematic when you are trying to get picked up. Amy and I have good luck at hitching because we are two girls. This makes us seem non-threatening/ vulnerable to women and ego-boosting to men. Amy also wears these tight lululemon work-out pants that I think help our chances a bit. So, this guy is trying to hitchhike right where we are. We tried to distance ourselves from him so as not to seem like we were with him. Then he walks over to us. He asks us to go to the Big K and buy him a thirty pack because he forgot his ID. I don't know what he wanted a thirty pack of but we knew we would not be going to be going to the Big K for him. Then the guy kind of stumbled into traffic. It was bizarre, for sure.

Earlier in the day, Ashley and I had been driving by the same corner I spoke of above. There was a 13year old kid trying to hitch with his skateboard. Ashley decided to pick him up, but he was walking and didn't see us so I rolled down the window and called out, "Hey buddy!" He totally didn't hear me. Then we saw a creepy old guy trying to hitchhike in front of the kid. We didn't want to have to pick up creepy guy too so we kept driving. But when I think about it, I must have looked like some sort of creepy pedaphile trying to lure this kid in my car. "Hey buddy!" Haha

Coasting down the volcano

This weekend felt long. This was not in a bad way but there was a lot of stuff going on. On Friday night we had graduation. It was good except that we ran out of food. People kept inviting other people to the graduation so the caterer had constantly changing numbers. She almost cried when she ran out of food. We reassured her and showed her grace. She is not a Christian and it was good to show her that we were not mad at her. My theory is that some of the parents gorged themselves. There were two chocolate fountains that did not run out. That seems to be a more important detail anyway. Who needs real food when you have chocolate literally flowing? I know that I don't. I am the one who pioneered the fondue fountain technique of actually sticking my plate into the fondue. I skip the dipping and go straight to the good stuff. I must admit that I always feel pretty sick after some quality time at the fondue fountain. It is worth it, though.

I am going to miss these students a lot. There are several of my favorites that I did not get to say goodbye to but I figure it is easier that way anyway. Sometimes goodbyes are too much. And in the YWAM world, who knows when you will get to see them again but the chances are good.

One of our current students is Jill whose brother was feared dead. She went home to be with the family and while she was there, his body was found under a bridge. So sad! My heart hurts for her. She is still supposed to be coming back. I think she is planning on being there about two weeks. Apparently her family supportd her coming back to Maui even though they aren't Christians. Please pray for all of them during this tragic time.

Yesterday Kristy, Amy (of course) and I went to Kaanapali-the resort place on the other side of the island. It was painfully cloudy and cold. Not cool. Kristy felt guilty about hanging out at the Hyatt pool so she laid out on the beach. Amy and I have no shame and claimed lounge chairs right by the pool. Some sketchy hotel guest tried to hit on us so we made up personal info about ourselves. We said we were from Minnesota- funny for a girl from Toronto and a girl from Texas. We told him we had never been to Maui and that the day before we rode bikes down the volcano. This is probably the lamest tourist activity in our opinions. We see the poor tourists riding past our house twice a day. Just coasting and coasting.

Then at night we had a rousing game of Loaded Questions. I just love that game.

I am a blogging fiend!

So this is like three days in a row of blogging. Look at me! I think this means I am a dork but I am not sure.

Oh well, I like to write. What can I say? Yesterday I took some of our students to a hospital/clinic to get vaccinations. I volunteered because I wanted extra hang-out time with the students but I had to miss dinner. Korean chicken! That's some good food. Luckily I got a reliable DTS student to save me some.

The hospital place was really far away. It looked like a scene from a movie. The building was old and antique looking with beautifully manicured grounds. To top it off, there was a peacock inexplicably walking around. That's right, a peacock. So strange. It felt like a deserted mental hospital/rehab place. It was after hours so no one was around. This further contributed to the bizarre feel of the place.

After the students got shot, we heard a lengthy talk about the dangers of malaria and sexually transmitted diseases like Hepatitis. Then we rushed back down the volcano to get the students to their night lecture.

One of our girls, Jill, went home last night. Her older brother is missing and has left suicide notes around. They don't know where he is and he is feared dead. Please pray for them. She is planning on coming back here and continuing her DTS and then going to Bangladesh. I really hope everything turns out for the best.

Tonight is graduation. This is a chance for us to dress fancy and eat good food. We are having it catered by a local lady and it is supposed to be awesome. I know there will be a chocolate fondue fountain so it will be good by default.

Crying and Crowd Surfing

Yesterday was a good day. I finished fixing the spelling and grammatical errors on our base's website. Now we don't seem so uneducated. Then I took the afternoon off in order to have some one on one time with one of my favorite Fall students, Leah. It was really good. I like that girl. She is considering coming back on staff, which would be awesome! I try not to get my hopes up when people say that while they are still here. A lot can change when they go home.

Amy and I started watching Arrested Development. I got season one and season two in a package. A great gift! I had never seen it before. We've only seen the first two episodes but Amy and I are pretty hooked already. It is a very randomly funny show, which I appreciate. I am excited to watch more.

Last night was testimony night on base. This is when a few returning students from each team get up in front of the entire base and share things they have learned. This is an awesome time especially for those of us on staff here in Maui. Sometimes we can lose sight of our higher purpose and get too focused on the daily stuff here. But the reason we are here is to send teams out to spread the love of Christ to other countries.

I could see changes in several of the students just from hearing them speak. There is a new confidence in them and a greater sense of their identity in Christ. One of the students, Derek gave an emotional testimony. He said that he had been praying for his dad to become a Christian for years. He gave up for awhile but recently renewed his prayers for his dad. While he was in DTS, his dad became a Christian. While Derek was sharing, he asked his dad to come up to the front with him. It was very emotional as Derek was crying and his dad's eyes got watery. My eyes got watery but I refused to release the tears.

Then Maria, one of our staff members, came to the front and said, " A lot of times when someone becomes a Christian, we are happy but skeptical and reserved. We remember the other friends we have that became Christians and fell away. We figure we'll just wait a year and see if they really change." I totally agree with what she said. Then she said, "We need to break out of that skepticism. The angels are rejoicing in Heaven over one lost soul being saved. I want you all to scream and yell that Richard (Derek's dad) has become a Christian." So we all started cheering and screaming and jumping up and down. I was trying to cheer but I just started to cry. It was really emotional but in a good way. I definitely wasn't the only one to cry. Then Maria had Derek and his dad crowd surf over us. It was so cool. The worship was awesome and really got me pumped up! What an awesome night!

Boys

The Fall students are still here and I am having fun reconnecting with them. They are so great! This afternoon I am going to have coffee with one of my favorite ones. I am going to try to be more intentional at hanging out with them before they leave.

I wish that I understood men. Actually I probably don't because it would make life less mysterious. I just wish they could be more straight-forward sometimes. Instead it seems like I am constantly trying to decipher the signals they send out. I am sure they feel the same way about me but I feel like the guy is supposed to be the head in the relationship so he should be the one to come clean with his feelings first.

When I was younger, I had a guy friend who I unitentionally led on for a long time. I thought we were just friends and he thought we were dating. I still hold that we were not dating- no kissing and he never paid for the stuff we did. Anyway, not knowing that he thought we were dating, I basically told him he was annoying and I didn't want to hang out with him so much. This, admittedly was not the nicest thing I could have done but I didn't know that he would consider this a break-up. A friend told me later that I broke this guy's heart. I had no idea. I think this experience has contributed to my hesitance in becoming friends with guys outside of group situations.

I also know of a guy here who likes me right now but I just don't feel the same way about him. Lots of people would like us to get together but just because other people think it would be good doesn't mean that it would be. I wish I liked this guy as more than a friend because he is an incredible guy- a godly man that would treat me like a queen. Yet, I don't think I will ever be with him. The feelings simply are not there and I cannot forsee them ever being there.

The guys that I like never seem to be able to consistently like me. It can be frustrating for sure.

It is crazy to think of a time when I will be married and no longer experiencing boy drama. I am sure I will create a new kind of drama then, though.