This one's for you, Trina Warrenton

The title of this entry comes from the fact that every time Trina did something slightly embarrassing in China, she would say, "Now, don't put this in your blog." Well Trina, you've now officially made it into my blog.

Trina and Elizabeth's Massages

On my last day in China, Trina and I decided to get massages. We saw a place that looked pretty nice and only charged about $10 U.S. Trina and Merry went the day before to make appointments. Well, they thought they had made appointments but really couldn't be sure since the people working there spoke no English.

So, we showed up at the time of our appointment to find that the workers are all having lunch. So much for an appointment! They ushered us to some seats and had us take off our shoes and socks and put on some red plastic sandals. Then they served us some tea. All the while they are speaking to us in Chinese, while we just nodded and smiled.

Then they escorted us to a room with two beds. They were actually massage tables covered with gaudy gold bedding but the overall look of the room was not too bad. They gestured for us to put our purses away in some locking drawers that covered one entire wall of the room. Then they showed us a shower and a wooden box the size of a confessional booth. I had no idea what they wanted from me. I was just there for a massage. Trina has had more massages than me and said that they wanted us to shower and then go into the box, which was apparently a sauna. They gave me a shower cap and I went into the shower while Trina was taken to another room for her shower/sauna. I rinsed off in the shower, still not sure of what was expected of me. The gesturing of the workers made me assume that I was supposed to come out in only my towel and put my clothes in one of the locking bins on the wall. I refused to take off my underwear and then wrapped myself in the towel.

I am then ushered towards the sauna. It is really small and confined in there. They made me sit in the sweltering heat for at least 30 minutes, though it felt like longer. The workers kept gesturing for me to take off my towel, but that felt super awkward so it stayed tightly wrapped around me. They continued to refill my tea and gave me magazines to read. Unfortunately the magazines were all in Chinese, which I cannot read a single character of. I looked at the pictures and longed for a magazine I could understand. I am sure that would have made the time spent in the hot box seem shorter.

Finally, when I was close to screaming for them to let me out, I was released. When I came out I was given some underwear that seemed to be made out of the same material as those hats surgeons wear at the hospital. Awkward! At this same time, Trina was already laid out on the gold-covered massage table. Her masseuse was trying to tug her towel and underwear down as Trina fought her for decencies sake. Luckily I was too confused about the thin, paper underwear I'd been given, to see anything that was going on with Trina.

I went into the bathroom and took another mandatory rinse off. One good thing about my schphitz was that it had helped to clear my sinuses. I emerged from the bathroom in my towel and laid down on the massage table. I quickly realized what Trina was talking about as my new paper underwear was pulled half down by my masseuse. What kind of massage was this going to be? I tried to talk to Trina but these ladies had strong hands and it took all I had not to scream when she was kneading my back like a loaf of bread. She also massaged the exposed half of my butt, which was especially awkward since I am ticklish there. After the whole thing was over, I definitely felt as if I'd been put through a ringer.

Trina and I got dressed and sat down to another cup of tea. We paid our bill and left feeling like our muscles had turned to putty. It may have been a bit weird but $10 for an hour and a half massage really can't be beat.