free time doesn't feel so free

Normally on Monday nights I have a Bible study for Young Life. Tonight it was canceled and it's raining like the times of Noah and the great flood. So much for my idea of going to the gym to practice a little basketball for the big faculty game Friday. And now, I am left with unexpected free time. And there in lies my problem.

I have a little more than a month left of school. It feels pretty surreal. There is a lot that goes into checking out of my classroom at the end of the year. Right after school ends, I am moving out of my house and into my parents' house. Since I still have a month before both happen almost simultaneously, I really should start packing, cleaning and throwing away a little at a time. Unfortunately knowing what you should do and actually doing it are two completely different things. And I tend to be a bit of a procrastinator. I wrote almost all my college papers the night before and almost always pack late into the night before I go on a trip. I find it very hard to be productive when I have free time.

I pack a lot of scheduled activities in my week and get a lot done. I spend a good portion of the week at school, Young Life or hanging out with friends. But when I do have free time, I just can't bear to do anything terribly productive. In fact, yesterday was the first time I'd made a real trip to the grocery store since Spring Break. It's not that I don't have the free time, I do have some but I tend to use it more as a recovery from my otherwise busy schedule. Maybe if I scheduled "clean my room" or "go to the grocery store" at a specific date and time, I would do it. But then again knowing myself, I probably wouldn't.

I have a dream of writing books for children or humorous memoirs for adults someday. I don't see this happening until I find a way to gain better control of my free time. When given an expanse of unaccounted for time, large or small, I tend to spend most of it watching TV, taking naps, surfing the internet or reading books. None of these are particularly bad, but they definitely don't classify as being productive. I guess if I had some sort of "office" I went to for a predetermined amount of time to write, I could do it. That is presupposing that I could make a living writing which has yet to be proven. I did recently read that Dr. Seuess's first book was rejected by publishers 27 times. Dr. Suess is arguably one of the best loved and most prolific children's book writers in history. If he could go through all that rejection and not give up, the least I could do is give it a shot, right?