Boys

The Fall students are still here and I am having fun reconnecting with them. They are so great! This afternoon I am going to have coffee with one of my favorite ones. I am going to try to be more intentional at hanging out with them before they leave.

I wish that I understood men. Actually I probably don't because it would make life less mysterious. I just wish they could be more straight-forward sometimes. Instead it seems like I am constantly trying to decipher the signals they send out. I am sure they feel the same way about me but I feel like the guy is supposed to be the head in the relationship so he should be the one to come clean with his feelings first.

When I was younger, I had a guy friend who I unitentionally led on for a long time. I thought we were just friends and he thought we were dating. I still hold that we were not dating- no kissing and he never paid for the stuff we did. Anyway, not knowing that he thought we were dating, I basically told him he was annoying and I didn't want to hang out with him so much. This, admittedly was not the nicest thing I could have done but I didn't know that he would consider this a break-up. A friend told me later that I broke this guy's heart. I had no idea. I think this experience has contributed to my hesitance in becoming friends with guys outside of group situations.

I also know of a guy here who likes me right now but I just don't feel the same way about him. Lots of people would like us to get together but just because other people think it would be good doesn't mean that it would be. I wish I liked this guy as more than a friend because he is an incredible guy- a godly man that would treat me like a queen. Yet, I don't think I will ever be with him. The feelings simply are not there and I cannot forsee them ever being there.

The guys that I like never seem to be able to consistently like me. It can be frustrating for sure.

It is crazy to think of a time when I will be married and no longer experiencing boy drama. I am sure I will create a new kind of drama then, though.