Hangin' with Halle Berry and Ricky Bobby

It's 1:48am and I am still awake. Ever since I got back from Colorado, I have been staying up late. This is not really a problem because Maui time is five hours behind making it only 8:48pm there. And who goes to bed before 9? I am watching Forensic Files. It's this 30 minute show where they go over how they solved a violent crime with the tiniest pieces of evidence. People get convicted on fingerprints, tire treads, footprints, etc. It's pretty interesting and pretty creepy. I think it makes it a little more creepy that I am watching it after midnight. My parents were gone the last few days and watching Forensic Files didn't help me to feel at ease.

Yesterday I went for a bike ride on a trail near my house. There were a ton of people on the trail and at the nearby park. I saw a big group of people who seemed to be celebrating a family reunion. In the middle of the group was a circle of people doing the Halle Berry dance. I've included it below if you aren't familiar with it. Seeing this made me sad about leaving Houston. I don't think Hawaiians are really up to date with the latest dances. Without my Young Life kids how will I find out about dances like the Ricky Bobby, the Dougie or the Stanky Legg? Maybe at least this time when I am in Hawaii, I can learn the hula.

From Riches to Rags

I am definitely going through a transitional time right now. The weird part about this transition is that it seems to come in phases. Right after school finished, nothing felt much different since I'd had the summer off last year. I traveled for Jesus and pleasure and hung out with friends just like last summer. One big transition during this time was moving into my parents' new house with them. It's been good overall and definitely a money saver but we all still relearning how to cohabitat.

Now it seems like am in a different transitional phase. I think it began when I got my last paycheck. One of the best parts of being a teacher is that you get paid in the summer when you are not working. They divide your paycheck up and spread it out over 52 weeks. Now I have received my last paycheck and no longer experience the joys of a steady income. It feels a little scary. I have done the whole missionary living on support thing before and I know it will all work out in the end. I think this time is harder because I just quit a job where I was making far more money than I ever have. My cost of living wasn't high and I was able to do just about anything I wanted to do without feeling the financial crunch. I learned to live more frugally the last time I was in ministry but I feel like having a "real job" made me unlearn some of thos lessons.

I've been raising support for my upcoming projects this summer and it's gone pretty well. But everything felt a lot more secure with the promise of future paychecks. Now that this is over and I feel I have lost a bit of my security. In the end I know the truth. Christ is my security and through Him and His people I will always be provided for financially for doing His work. Yet, He doesn't deposit a check into my account every two weeks like my teaching job.

I am about $1000 away from my fundraising goal of $6000. That's not too far at all. People have been super generous and for that I am so thankful. There are also several people who pledged support but haven't sent anything yet so I know more is coming. I am not where I want to be with monthly support at about $175 of the $400 I need for my time in SBFM. But from my previous experiences as a missionary, I know monthly support is something that builds the longer you are out in the field so I am confident it will increase over time. I'd hoped to sell my car before I left to give myself further cushion but apparently since I just paid it off, I won't get the title for about a month and at that point I will be gone.

So, I am trying my best to be frugal and not spend much money. It's not easy. I find the busier I am, the less money I spend. Well, with most of my friends at work all day and me with no job, there's really not much for me to do. I try to fill my time with free activities; in ways that are productive like spending time with God, working on my Chinese, reading books and working out and unproductive like watching TV and playing on the internet, esp. Facebook.

Even though I get frustrated that I can no longer just buy what I want , I think this time of more extreme frugality is good for me. I am learning to depend on God more and to seek out activities that are free or inexpensive. By the time I build up my support and feel less strapped, I will be wiser with my money.

The Secret World of Mexican Snow Cones

Today I went back to the school that I worked at for the last two years. To work?, you ask. No, I went for the same reason I went to school as a teen, to see my friends. Today was a teacher work day and I went up to the school to help out where I could but also to catch up with my teacher friends. It ended up being a lot more fun than I thought. I've always enjoyed joking and socializing with my co-workers and this time I didn't have to spoil it by constantly thinking of the work I should have been doing in my classroom. I don't have a classroom!

Despite the freedom it provided, the fact that I didn't have a classroom made me a little sad. As much as I am excited for my next steps, I am still mourning the loss of things like school supplies, co-workers and funny comments from my students. It was a little weird to see someone new in my classroom. To combat the weirdness, I decided to avoid going past the room or talking to the "new me." Denial has always worked for me in the past.

All day I helped with random things like putting up bulletin board paper, setting up desks and chairs and hooking up my friends' computers. For a girl, I am better than average at the techie stuff so I was glad to be of service. It was also a lot easier to do the before school tasks knowing that I really only had to do what I felt like doing and there wasn't a huge list of things I needed to accomplish.

My old principal asked me why I wasn't helping the new teachers. I laughed her off and said it paid to be my friend. Seriously, though. Why would I help teachers I didn't know? I am certainly no saint and my primary purpose was not to lend a hand. My main reason for being there was to hang out with my friends and help them out a little bit. Let the new teachers fend for themselves. I know I had to.

After work, I went for snowcones with a couple of my co-workers. I was introduced to this particular snowcone place by my friend, Belinda. It felt a bit like the episode of Seinfeld where George goes to the club with all the models and gets in only because he's with one. Belinda's Mexican so she took me to a Mexican snow one place. I felt like I was only allowed to go because I was with Mexican people. This was a different snowcone place than I was used to.

After living in Austin, I felt confident in calling myself a snowcone connoisseur. Snow Beach, formerly located on Lamar near Barton Springs was the standard by which I measured all other snowcones. (You know you are at the right place if you see a white trailer with a fake purple snowcone wearing sunglasses on top.) The red rasberry with cream is to die for. The place is so popular that they furnish umbrellas for the people in line to hold to shield themselves from the sun. You feel stupid but it works. A snowcone there costs between $2.50-$5.00 depending on size and amount of cream.

I'd lamented that Houston did not have a Snow Beach equivalent. Finally this summer, some people put up a snowcone stand in my neighborhood. The ice is not as finely shaved as Snow Beach's but it decent and similar in price. It's also about 179 miles closer. And because my neighborhood is trendy, they even have a snowcone for dogs. Who buys their dog a snowcone? It's probably the same people buying the dog appetizers I saw advertised on TV.

Now back to my Mexican snowcone experience. This place was pretty big and pink with a little covered patio area with ceiling fans. (Note to snowcone place, in 100 degree weather like today, ceiling fans do not work.) Belinda said the place is hopping at nights and on the weekends with a long line of cars at the drive-thru. Yes, there is a drive-thru! I was shocked when I saw the price. Their snow cones ranged in price from 75 cents for a small (that's less than a dollar) to 2.50 for a giant one. This means I could get three small snowcones at this place for the price of one at the honky snow cone places. I was getting ripped off! The quality of the snow cone was good though the pointy top was disconcerting to someone who is used to a rounded top. I quickly adjusted, though. At 75 cents, I felt I was getting the deal of the century. Apparently I need to spend more time in the Mexican parts of town. I knew from the Wal-Mart parking lot that they had cheap puppies, tamales and fake Gucci purses, but cheap snowcones...that's something I could really get into.

Self-induced anti-social hibernation

I am just coming out of what I have dubbed my "self-induced anti-social hibernation." I enjoyed my back to back week-long trips but they left me a little starved for alone time. Because of my need to just chill out and avoid human contact I have been making no attempt to hang out with anyone other than my parents, who I can't avoid since I live in their house. Tonight I went to church and was social without feeling like I was going to die or punch someone in the face. I feel this is a good sign that I am ready to return to being social. Overall I am a pretty social person and would almost always prefer to be with people than to be alone but I guess I just got a case of social overload.

I have a little over a month before I leave for Maui and not much planned other than a trip to Calgary at the end of this month. I am trying to figure out how to spend my days and how not to spend a lot of money since my last teacher paycheck was yesterday. I have decided to try to read my Bible/have quiet time, workout and practice my Chinese on Rosetta Stone everyday. So, far I have done it for two days. I am on a roll! I will be super spiritual, super hot and bilingual in no time!

I am also trying to read a lot, which I really enjoy. I am currently in the middle of several books that I just need to buckle down and finish. The most interesting to me right now is one called, "Doctors from Hell." It's a pretty harsh title, I know but an accurate one. It was actually written by a woman my grandparents know from their retirement community. She was a court reporter for the medical trials at Nurenburg. These were the trials for the Nazi doctors after World War 2. The book is very interesting and very sad. It's hard for me to believe that these atrocities could have been committed on human beings and that they were called Science. I find the whole Nazi regime fascinating and even used the Diary of Anne Frank in my third grade class. It gave me a lot of hope to see how strongly my students reacted to injustice. They just couldn't understand why something like that could happen and neither could I.

World War II makes me think about war in general. There are a lot of people who are outspoken in their hatred for all war. I feel that this is just ignorant. I know some of you may be strongly anti-war and I respect your right to an opinion but I just cannot agree. I am not for all wars or injust wars and I don't think the God of the Bible is either. But I think it is extremely difficult to argue against a war like WWII as a Christian or non Christian. The Bible is certainly not anti-war with Jesus commending a soldier's faith without condemning his profession as well as all the fighting in the Old Testament. But what the Nazis did was an afront to God's chosen people, the Jews. I can't imagine God wanting us to stand back as His chosen people were being slaughtered like animals.

I don't know how anti-war people believe we can stop horrors like the holocaust or the genocide going on today without violence. Peaceful protests and logic don't work on people who kill others in that way. I don't feel educated about the current war to say one way or another if it should have started and I know that with my brother being in the Army, it is hard for me to be unbiased. I do trust Andrew and support him in what he does. Right now a lot of what he is doing is helping rebuild areas that Saddam has destroyed and working with local leaders to help them get back on their feet. It sounds more like mission work than war. I wonder why the news doesn't talk about that stuff?

Sorry to be so randomly political. Maybe this is what happens to me when I seclude myself. I will stick to the funny stuff next time.

An out-of-country experience

I have pretty much spent all day vegging and sleeping. After two back-to-back weeklong trips, I am just pooped. I feel I deserve an unproductive day.

I want to share a little bit about my trip to Q-ba. I feel like I learned a lot more than I did but I know that this is important as well. The purpose of our trip was to help with a Young Life type group for high school students there. All the students go to boarding schools so it seems like peer pressure is intensified since they are with each other day and night. The students told me about how they and their Christian teachers are persecuted at their schools.

Many of the students traveled hundreds of miles by hitchhiking or cramming into vans to get to our camp. I know my Young Life kids would have complained a ton. They complain enough about traveling in lavish vans with DVD players and air conditioning. We have short Jesus talks once a week for our Young LIfe kids and it can take half the time just to get them to be quiet and pay attention. These kids, who were the same age, could listen attentively for three hours +.

I love my Young Life kids but I really wish they could see and really understand what sacrfices other kids their age make to be Christians. I think they would learn a lot. I know that I did.

I also found out a lot about the country. Most of which, would not be prudent to mention on such a public forum. I'd love to talk to you about this place sometime, if you are interested.

Ice blocking or how I got grass down my pants

Disclaimer:
I have been meaning to update this thing for a while now. I mean, I have been to Qba and I haven't mentioned how the trip went yet. Unfortunately I don't really have time to go into it right now. I also want to be very careful about what I post on the web. I have also been having some crazy adventures in Colorado that I don't have time to fully go into. So, instead I will have to go into detail about those things later and just tell you about tonight.

Ashley and Josh are getting married tomorrow and wanted to have a night 'o' fun with their friends. We all went ice blocking. This is when you buy big blocks of ice from the grocery store and then ride the blocks down a hill. I had heard of people doing this before in Houston at the Miller Outdoor Theater. In fact, I had always wanted to try it but never actually followed through with it.

So, we bought a bunch of ice blocks from the grocery store. In fact, we bought all the ice blocks at that particular grocery store. I also bought an issue of People on impulse because the cover said "Saved By the Bell" Reunion. Who could pass up that gem?

We took our ice blocks and towels to a nearby hill next to a baseball field. It was pretty dark but we could still see. After a short demonstration,(Put towel on ice, sit on ice, slide down hill and try not to die), we began sliding down the hill. It was a blast. I think we all underestimated the fun factor. We went down on our butts, on our stomachs, in ones, twos, threes, fours and mores and it was just hilarious. I think there was only one time where my ride ended without me sprawled all over the ground. This was painful but fun. I probably went up and down the hill 20 times. It was exhausting! One of my most memorable falls was when I was in a four person train that inadvertantly broke into two separate trains. Rachel Cordy and I were going super fast and somehow turned backwards and then rolled into a ball together. I imagine us looking a lot like one of those cartoons where someone is skiing and they turn into a big snowball with legs, arms and skis flying about.

At the end of our adventure, we took a big group picture. This was a good idea until the little wall we'd made of the ice blocks fell on Josh's head. At least it was ice, right?

The whole thing was super fun. I am already feeling sore, my clothes were stained brown with dirt and my pants were filled with grass. These are all signs of a fun night. And we didn't even have alcohol. Fun times!

Ten Year Reunion

It's 2am, my room is a mess, I haven't packed and I am leaving the country tomorrow. Perfect time to write on my blog, right? I thought so too. I have had too much caffeine and don't think I will be able to sleep soon. Also I have literally just gotten home from my high school reunion so this should be pretty fresh.

I am going to try my best to not talk bad about anyone in this post even though some of my funniest comments would be at someone else's expense. For the sake of human decency and the fact that anyone could read this, I will try to be nice.

Movies often feature high school reunions as do TV shows. In fact, one of my favorite episodes of Golden Girls is when the girls go to a local high school reunion to make up for Rose missing hers in St. Olaf. They pick up other people's nametags and Rose becomes Asian foreign exchange student, Kim Fong Choi. Obviously hilarious times ensue.

I know a lot of people dread their high school reunions and avoid them like the plague. I actually really liked high school. I had some good friends and some really fun times. I don't think I was very popular but I also wasn't unpopular. My favorite book, Stuff White People Like, says as a white person that I was supposed to hate high school, but I don't.

A lot of people don't want to go to their reunion because they haven't kept in touch with people from high school. Luckily my best friend, Sarah, went to my high school. When I realized that the ten year mark was coming up, I anticipated the whole experience being a lot better since I would have a friend to attend with and talk to in case things got awkward. Unfortunately those dreams were dashed when Sarah had to work. Stupid space shuttle! (She works for NASA.) Despite the horror stories and having to go Sarah-less, I was determined to go because I just knew I would have a good time. Well, I was right.

I didn't know what to expect. I thought they might have inflatable moon walks and one of those booths where you grab the cash swirling around inside. These things were at our school sponsored post-grad party. This was more like a wedding reception with no bride and groom. It was the ultimate in people watching. It was liking being at the airport but you are supposed to know a majority of the people. Thankfully we all had to wear nametags so no one had to actually remember someone's name.

Most people looked the same, though some people definitely put on the pounds. Some of the girls had had children but what was the men's excuse? I think the most kids I heard someone having so far was 3 but they are Mormon so that makes sense. I was afraid coming solo that I would have a lot of awkward times trying to figure out who to talk to but that was not the case. I actually had a lot of fun conversations though it was a bit confusing to try to explain my current stage of life and iminent plans. People seemed to get it for the most part, though they might have been faking it.

I met a lot of people who were now doctors. My school had a large Asian population. It is a stereotype but one that I find to be pretty true. Other people work at NASA where a good percentage of our graduating class's parents worked when they were in high school. A lot of people were married, then plenty were not. Some had already been married and divorced. Most guys still had their hair. I think that will change the more reunions we have.

We spent most of the time mingling and catching up. Then they made us take a group picture of just the girls and then just the guys. Apparently the whole group was too big to fit in one picture. There had been sample pictures on the table where we signed in. In one, a woman had taken off her shirt and was wearing only her bra. Why was that the sample picture? Were they encouraging one of us to do the same? And why did that woman think it was appropriate? Taking the group picture reminded me of how I got in-school suspension for putting a plastic hamburger bun in my mouth in the senior class panoramic picture. Continuing my food in mouth streak, I stuck a chicken finger in my mouth for this one. The photographer seemed to be hating his life and kept barking orders that noone could hear because they were too busy catching up with one another.

After the single gender group pictures, they started taking pictures for various categories like what junior high you went to or club you were in. This reminded me when me and some friends got in a bunch of different club pictures for the yearbook. We weren't in the clubs but snuck into the pictures because they all took them on the same day. That's how I ended up in the Math club and FFA. These pictures were for the cheerleaders, drill team, band/choir (I am not sure why those two were combined). The funniest/most disconcerting was "Party-goers/Stoners." Why was that a category? And for some reason, as one of my friends pointed out, it was pretty much all the kids who went to the same junior high.

It was nice to connect with people in person as opposed to electronically through Facebook. My best friend through junior high and high school was there, Amy. She and I grew apart in college despite going to the same school. Our lives just went in different directions. I was surprised about how much love I felt towards her at the reunion. I just wanted to give her a big hug and I am not much of a hugger. I think by being so close in high school, we formed a bond that cannot be broken through time or differing life choices. It's special. It was so fun to visit and talk with her. I am so thankful we still have that connection.

I also learned a lot about people's lives. Of course, we talked about the girl who ended up on the cover of Playboy and the one who went on the dating show, The Fifth Wheel. We talked about jobs, relationships, siblings and parents. I also found out that two guys from my high school committed suicide. I wasn't close to either of them, though they were definitely in some of my classes. It just made me so sad. All death is sad, but suicide makes you hurt. I didn't know either well and it just hurt my heart. It made me wish that there was something I could have done to change that outcome. What pain they must have felt! Other classmates were killed in car crashes, drug overdoses and one died serving with the military in Iraq. Learning of people's deaths is going to be something that unfortunately increases with each reunion. I am not looking forward to that. I am looking forward to our 20 year. This one was a lot of fun and I can only imagine how many stories people will have then.

On teaching

I've always been very wary of becoming some sort of stereotypical teacher who lets teaching define who I am. In my college education classes, they made us do all kinds of cheesy teacher activities. In one class, our teacher made us conduct some sort of bogus ceremony where we repeated a cheesy mantra and then held cupcakes with candles in them above our heads. Weird. In another class, I had to walk around the room with my classmates in order to represent our journey to become a teacher. Weird stuff if you ask me. Do engineers have to walk in a circle to represent their engineering journey? I don't think so. To make matters worse, at that point I was no longer planning on becoming a teacher, which made these made-up rituals all the more painful. During my senior year, I also had to write at least three papers on why I wanted to be a teacher even though I no longer wanted to be one.

I think teaching is sometimes elevated to a martyrdom beyond what is deserved. It is certainly a tough job and not always the most well-paid but I don't know if it's nearly as noble as my university professors always tried to get me to believe.

I think part of my reluctance to identify myself as a teacher was due to my professors' forced cheesiness as well as the teacher-themed jumpers, plaques and slogans that just elevate lameness to new levels. "Teaching is a work of Heart." "2 teach is to touch lives 4 ever" I am just not that kind of sentimental.

As a teacher I hated to go to those supply shops specifically geared towards teachers. My favorite being "Teacher Heaven" with their slogan, "Not Just For Teachers." In addition to being very cheesy and teacher-like, these stores are strangely expensive. Given the salary of the average teacher, you could really go broke supplying your classroom with wares from the teacher store.

All of this to say, that I have never tried to identify myself as a teacher but it is something I cannot avoid. After only two years of elementary school teaching, I am leaving the profession and it may or may not be permanant. Despite all this, I have realized that teaching is a part of who I am. Whenever I have had the chance to teach English overseas, I have loved it. I have also realized that what comes easy to me may not come easy to other people. Just as not everyone has the skills to fix a car, not everyone has the skills to be a teacher.

And now, as I contemplate not going back to be an elementary school teacher again, there are things that make me sad. Of course there is the obvious, missing my co-workers and my students. But there are also little things I will miss. This became evident to me as I strolled through Target the other day. They had already begun to put out their school supplies. I felt sad that I had no excuse to buy them in large quantities. Last year, I prided myself on finding the best deals like 1 cent rulers and 16 cent boxes of crayons. Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved school supplies. I think this is truly very dorky but I know other teachers who feel the same way. Since I will be a student myself soon, I want to buy a few supplies but I know in my heart that I won't be able to justify buying rulers and crayons for my time in Maui.

I will also missing being in a school. That's another dorky thing I like. I love being in school. I assume it's because I loved school as a kid especially elementary school. I will miss other things about teaching but these are the little things that come to mind right now.

I would love to teach English to adults overseas. I have really enjoyed every chance I havbe gotten to do that so far. I also had a prophecy once where the woman speaking called me out and said that I am a teacher. Considering I had never met this woman in my life and I was not wearing anything to indicate that I was a certified teacher (ie: a jumper with school buses and apples on it), this was either God speaking through this woman or an amazing coincidence. I like to think it was God reminding me of the gifts he had given me. In the end, as much as I try to separate myself from being a teacher, it's something I know I am good at and shouldn't we all pursue the things we are best at?

Using the word, phlebotomist!

I love random weird situations. I feel my blog is as good a place as any to share my latest odd times.

I got my blood drawn a few days ago by one of the most unprofessional phlebotomists I've ever encountered. I am sure you've encountered some unprofessional phlebotomists but most that I come across seem very competent. I am also very excited for this, my first chance to use the word "phlebotomist" in a blog post.

I have been told on more than one occasion that I do not have very good veins. Phlebotomists always have a difficult time finding my veins. I have also been told that my veins roll like an old woman's. What the heck does that mean? I tried to give plasma in college to get some extra cash and was turned away because of my puny veins.

Usually when I am getting my blood drawn, I explain to the phlebotomist that my veins are hard to find. The last few times, the phlebotomist I told kind of waved me away as if to say that it would be no problem. They were able to draw my blood quickly and painlessly. I decided not to tell this lady since the other phlebotomists had been successful and acted like they didn't need my forewarning. Big mistake! This particular phlebotomist looks at my arms and tells me that my veins are awful. Then she puts the needle in and the blood collects very slowly in the vile. To which she says, "uh uh, this won't do." When the blood stops flowing far short of the desired amount, she sighs/groans and moves to the other arm.

During this whole procedure, she is talking to me about the U.S. military. She had noticed that I was wearing my brother's dog tag on my wrist and asked me about it. She then proceeded to tell me about her cousin who was retiring after 35 years and was crazy for being in it to begin with. She said there was no way she'd ever let her son go over there. No way. Uh uh. Uh uh. Luckily I am not easily offended.

Mid- antimilitary tirade, she starts trying to find a vein in my right arm. This is way worse than the first. She seems to basically be digging the needle into my arm in search of a vein. It was painful and felt a bit invasive. Luckily I am not afraid of needles, because the digging was enough to freak even me out. She finally found a vein and filled up the final vile. Then just as I was getting up to go, she dropped the veil on the floor (thankfully it was plastic) and it rolled under the cabinet. I sure hope she found it because there's no way I am going back to her, the unprofessional phlebotomist.

Kids

Right now I work/volunteer with children of various ages. I am about to start a new chapter in my life where I will no longer be around kids frequently. This has caused me to think about my involvement with them a little bit.

For the past two years, I taught at a school with low-income kids. I did this on purpose. I didn't want to teach rich kids for a variety of reasons. The main reason being that their parents tend to be overbearing and too involved. As a teacher, this can be intimidating and stressful. I also think wealthier kids often have many people in their life to care for them while many lower income kids have single parent families or parents who have two or three jobs to make ends meet. These kids need positive adult role models in their lives.

Despite all my reasons for wanting to teach low income students, I have decided that if I come back to teaching one day, I would prefer not to be at a low-income school. This may sound strange given my heart for these kids, but I found a lot of things about teaching at a low-income school to be very frustrating.

Low-income schools are expected to achieve the same passing rate on standardized tests as their higher income peers. This is fairly unrealistic given the struggles these kids face and the home environments they come from. I had kids whose siblings were in jail, dads were in jail or even moms were in jail. One kid's older brother told him a story about being involved in a high speed chase with the cops and having to decide if he wanted to live or die. Who tells this to an 8 year old? Some of the mothers of kids in my class were 14 or 15 when they had them. Some of the kids have been taking away from their families by CPS. Most live in single parent households and several live with relatives other than their parents. Some have been abused emotionally, physically and sexually. They've had some pretty rough things happen to them in their short lives.

All this is what made me want to work with them in the first place; to love them and take care of them in a way they deserve. Unfortunately, being a teacher didn't let me help them the way I would of liked. It may have just been my particular school but I have a feeling that it is a problem in a lot of low income schools. There is so much pressure to get them to pass the tests, that their feelings and emotional well-being are not taken into account. I felt like I had all these hurting kids but I couldn't do much about it since I had to spend so much time cramming for a test. Our school doesn't have a counselor who they can talk about their problems with. It's really a shame. If I go back to teaching, I've thought about becoming a counselor. Then I could help these hurting kids instead of cramming them for a test.

With Young Life I was able to be more of a counselor/mentor/friend to my high school students. I could listen to their problems and try to help them through situations that were achingly similar to those experienced by my third graders. I loved being able to be there for them in the hard times and I wish I could have done as much for the kids in my class. I hope they knew how much I cared.

Support Raising

I have recently started support-raising for a few upcoming missionary projects. For those of you not familiar with the lingo, support raising in this context is when you ask people for money to help fund your missionary work. It's an interesting concept in this American culture where everyone is conditioned from birth to have the desire to get a job and work hard and make as much money as you can. Support raising doesn't really fit with that way of thinking.

When I first start a support raising campaign for a particular project, I am filled with self-doubt. Is this really what God's called me to? Who should I send letters to and who will feel like I am annoying them or begging them? Will I be able to raise what I need? The funny part is that God has been extremely faithful to me in the past. I would estimate that I have probably raised about $25,000 for all the missionary work I've done in the past. And yet, despite the amount of money I've raised and the amount of times I've done this, the old doubt comes back.

This time, I am struggling a bit with the whole idea of leaving everything behind that I have built these last two years in Houston. I am going to miss my friends, family, students and the Young Life kids I mentor. These feelings combined with anxiety about support raising cause me to doubt what God's called me to. As of Friday, I'd only raised about $300 towards the almost $6000 I need. That afternoon, I went to the mailbox and the only thing I saw was what looked like one of those checks that credit card companies send you to try to trick you into becoming part of their identity theft program. I opened it up just to see what scam they were running this time. To my surprise it was actually a check for $1000 from some friends of mine. I was shocked. I actually jumped up and down. This little boost of confidence went a long way in assuaging some of my self-doubt. It felt like proof I was on the right track. All of this made me really think about support raising in general.

When I was teaching, I really enjoyed having a steady paycheck. There is a certain feeling of security afforded to one through a paycheck. Living on support does not provide that feeling of security. This is both a good and bad byproduct. It's bad because it is hard to plan things in advance or feel justified in buying things that are not simply daily necessities despite their overall usefulness to yourself or your mission. It is good because it is a tangible way to experience God's provision. You have to rely on God to supply what you need. This can be scary but also liberating.

One less obvious benefit to support raising is the bond created between supporter and suportee. I have found that people give for two main reasons. They either support you as a person or they support what you are doing.

I sent out support letters recently. My aunt gave me some money towards my projects. When I asked her if she had read about my mission trip this summer, she looked at me blankly and said she hadn't even read my letter. This is clearly an example of someone who supports me more for who I am than for what I am doing. This implies a level of confidence in me and my decisions that I find humbling. These are the kind of people who will stand by me and support me no matter what I do.

Another kind of supporter I have found is one who wants to support my particular cause more than they want to support me personally. My best example of this is when my mom's friend from work became a monthly supporter when I was working with YWAM full-time. I had never met this woman and yet she wanted to support me for a significant amount monthly. I think that is just so amazing! Since I have been out of the missionary field for the last two years, I have gotten to give financially to my friends who are still missionaries. It has been really fun to have money to give away. But, I do enjoy giving the money partly because it is to people I know and have worked with. It seems to me that giving to someone you don't even know is a much bigger deal and takes more faith in God.

Most supporters fall somewhere in between the two categories mentioned above. They are both supporting me and my cause. I love the connection I feel between my supporters and myself. If your money is where your heart is, than I know that I am near and dear to their hearts. They pray for me and I pray for them. It really is something special.

There are some missionary organizations that pay their missionaries. Sometimes this seems preferable as far as having a feeling of financial security. No one in YWAM is paid including the founder, who has been able to teach and preach in every country of the world while living on support. In the end, I am thankful for this policy and wouldn't want it any other way. I have learned so much from living on support. Never once has God failed to give me more than enough for what he has called me to. In fact, he usually directs people to give me more than enough so that I can tithe what I get to other missionaries around me. I consider it a huge privilege to represent my God and my supporters in my missionary work.

On a bus

I am about two and a half hours away from Houston. I've been on one of those big charter buses with about 50 high school students for about 19 hours so far. Luckily I have been blessed with the ability to sleep for far longer than the average human on these bus rides.

I've been riding on these type of buses for long distances since high school. I've come up with some coping methods along the way. Seat claiming is crucial. When I was in high school, we'd try to sit near the back as far away from the adults as possible. The back of the bus has the unfortunate consequence of being near the bathroom. This can be a serious problem depending on the bowels of the bus's occupants. Now that I am the adult, I try to sit towards the front of the bus to avoid the dreaded bathroom smell as well as the inevitable noisiness of high schoolers.

I must have a window seat. This is crucial for sleeping as you need something to lean your head on. I usually try to run onto the bus as soon as I can and claim my seat using a pillow (a crucial piece of equipment for bus sleeping.)The more you sleep, the shorter the bus ride feels. This the key to surviving one of these rides. Some people will sleep on the bus floor. I used to be willing to do this but I have seen too many weird things spilled on the bus and I am afraid of getting stepped on.

To survive a long bus ride, I also do everything in my power to not use the aforementioned bus bathroom. This usually involves being slightly dehydrated for the duration of the trip; something I consider a small price to pay for not going to the restroom on the bus.I hate having navigate the maze of bodies sprawled in the aisle. I hate the bathroom smell and, god forbid, I had to poop, the idea of the whole bus smellling it. Ick!

I don't know if this post was coherent or grammatically correct. Please cut me some slack, I am still on a bus.

Times to Cry and Times to Laugh

I have officially moved into my parents' new place. I still have a few small things at my old house but the bulk of my possessions are here now. It feels very surreal especially since my parents' new house is nothing short of incredible. They don't get their stuff moved in until Tuesday so for now, it's a little like I am living here alone. Picture Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. If this were a YWAM house in Maui, I could realistically fit about 200+ people here using a lot of bunk beds. I did once live with 11 other girls in a room the size of this new house's kitchen.

There is so much change going on right now that I can't deal with it all at once. My last day at school (without the kids) was on Friday and that doesn't even seem real yet. The other third grade teachers wrote me a nice card and gave me a little engraved notebook since I am always writing notes to myself on my hand. It was very thoughtful. The last day of school for teachers always involves a lot of cleaning and accounting for things you've been given throughout the year. It is a huge pain. Most teachers try to do as much of the closing out stuff as possible during the last week of school. I did some stuff but was hindered by an extreme case of procrastination coupled with denial about leaving. Lucky for me, I have made some great friends at school this year. After all their tasks were done, four of my teacher friends helped me finish my duties. It meant a lot to me that they would stay at school longer than they had to on the last day of school.

After school, we performed our usual post-school ritual- Wingstop and then the movie theater. We had been hanging out after school about once a week and I am really going to miss that. This year was much better than last year and I think having close friends at work made a big difference.

For my whole life, I have loved having groups of friends: Quiet Spring Lane friends, church youth group friends, high school friends, college friends, Wesley friends, Camp Cho-Yeh friends, Young Life friends, work friends, etc. I consider myself blessed to have a lot of quality friends but life changes have made them disperse throughout the U.S. and Canada. This makes it hard to hang out with them all at the same time. So, I really enjoyed having a fun group of friends at work. This is one change that is starting to sink in and I am not a fan of it.

Another change I don't think I have fully dealt with is my brother leaving for Iraq. It's hard to know how to feel or how to deal with it. It won't be over for a year so being upset or worrying excessively is not a healthy option. Right now I am using a combination of prayer and denial to get through it. When he gets to his final locale, I should be able to write him. That might make me feel more proactive about the situation.

As for good changes, my parents' new house is awesome and I am looking forward to going back to Maui to do the SBFM school. I anticipate learning a lot and enjoying times with old and new friends. I am trying to focus on these good changes and appropriately deal with the not-so-good ones.

A Last Day of School Full of Laughter

Today was my last day as a teacher...at least for a while. It's kind of surreal right now. It turned out to be a really fun day. I think I might get a little sad about it if I really start thinking about not seeing my students again. I am not at that point yet.

Today was the annual teacher talent show. In the past, the talent show has been an event where teachers could come out and show some sort of talent. Usually this talent involves some sort of choreographed lip sync to a song with some enthusiastic dancing. This takes some preparation. This year, my co-worker, Will and I were in charge. About a week and a half before the show, we tried to gauge the teacher's readiness and enthusiasm for the event. Based on the reactions we got, it was clear that no one was prepared for or excited about this year's event.

Based on years of Young Life and summer camp experience, I decided we should do some sort of skit extravaganza. I know a lot of really easy skits that don't need much practice. Will was in church youth group as a kid so he knew a few of his own. We decided to do three skits and then have three Young Life games that fit into a category I like to call "unwitting participant games." This means that the participants are given little or no prior notice that they will be in a skit.

I was afraid no one would volunteer to be in the skits but Will and I used a combination of guilt and encouragement to gather a decent representation of our school's teachers. We literally practiced all three skits in 30 minutes yesterday and hoped for the best today. And although I am admittedly biased, I thought it went really well. Judging from their positive comments, my co-workers agreed.

Will and I were the emcees and we didn't really prepare anything in advance and spoke off the cuff. I don't remember exactly what I said but I don't think I said anything inappropriate. The first skit was the doctor's office. A patient goes into the doctor's office and sits down in the waiting room. Then, another patient arrives with some sort of ailment. In this particular version, Ms. F scratched her butt every few seconds. The kids went wild! Then the first patient, Mr. B, starts scratching his butt too. After that, Ms. N came in and kept jerking her head to one side. Mr. B starts doing that in addition to coughing and scratching his butt. Then, Ms. V comes in and starts spontaneously dancing every few seconds. Mr. B starts coughing, scratching his butt, jerking his head and dancing every few seconds. It was pretty hilarious to me even though I knew what was coming. I actually laughed so hard that tears started rolling down my cheeks. The teachers did such a great job of hamming it up. Then Ms. S came in looking like she was pregnant and Mr. B runs offstage screaming.

After that we did the good ole' Young Life banana eating contest. We called three staff members up who didn't know what they were in for. We purposely picked people we thought would be good sports. We told them they were having a blindfolded banana eating contest. They started eating the bananas and then we took the blindfold off of two of the contestants. This left our vice principal blindfolded shoving bananas in her mouth as fast as she could...all alone onstage. I guess she realized she couldn't hear anyone else, because she started reaching around next to her. Then we pulled off her blindfold. She was a great sport about it all.

Then we had a skit about gum. One person is chewing gum and they put it under a park bench. Then other people come along and interact with the gum. One person gets it in their hair, another steps on it and then someone blows their nose and wipes it on it. In the end the first person comes back and eats the gum to the disgust and amusement of the audience.

After that we called up four teachers who we'd told in advance that they were going to play charades. We told the kids that the teachers were going to act out what the teachers did when they found out our school won the rank of Exemplary. We told the teachers to act out the following scenarios: seeing a UFO, throwing up, seeing a mouse and riding a roller coaster. They too did a great job hamming it up. The kids enjoyed it though I don't think they all got the joke.

Then we had the most popular skit. It's called Pass It Down. A couple goes on a date to the movies but the only two seats left are four people apart. They sit down at opposite ends. The boy, being a gentleman, tries to share his Junior Mints with his lady friend. But as they are being passed down, the other moviegoers partake in the candy with the last one dramatically finishing whatever's left before it gets to the girl. This happens again with the popcorn and the drink, which the last guy pours all over his face. The dating guy makes a last ditch effort and kisses the person next to him, asking them to pass it on. This is awkwardly passed down until the last guy who has eaten everything, kisses the girl on the date. She flips out and slaps him in the face, ending the skit. The teachers did such a great job on this one. The kids couldn't stop talking about it. Seeing my co-workers' funny creative sides makes me miss them more. Too bad the whole school year couldn't be that light-hearted.

The finale of the show was another unsuspecting teacher contest. We tried to choose the participants carefully but we were a bit nervous. I chose my friend, Erin believing she wouldn't get too mad at what was about to happen, but being willing to talk it out with her if she was. We told the teachers they were going to be in a blindfolded sit-up competition and we needed the most physically fit teachers. We blindfolded them and they began to do sit-ups. While they were doing sit-ups, they each got a surprise pie to the face. Nothing amuses kids more, or adults for that matter, than pies. It was hilarious. All the people that got pied were super good sports about it including my friend.

It was such a fun way to end the year. I really don't think it could have gone any better. I will miss some of these situations you only really get in as a teacher. How many other jobs have talent shows? Maybe I can start one at YWAM Maui. :)

Tour de Hood

Today I rode in a bizarre bike ride. It was the first annual Tour de Hood. It was started by a man who wants to promote bike riding and general exercise in a low-income primarily black area of town. I have been on about a dozen organized bike rides in my life. This one was very different. The website said it would start at 7am but it didn't start until after 8 am. Apparently part of the reason for this is because the founder was hit by a car last night as he was putting up the signs for the ride. He showed up with bloody knuckles and a big white bandage covering his entire head. It was hard to get mad at the guy for the late start.

On most of the rides I've been on, there's been mainly hard-core riders with all the gear. This ride only had about 25% hard-core riders and 75% novices. It was a strange combo. They even had bikes for people to borrow that did not have their own. The founder told everyone to please bring the bikes back. It sounded like they could just borrow them without any I.D. or deposit. Strange.

All these people together made for a strange ride. My dad was almost taken out by a ten year old boy on a light pink loaner bike. It was pretty funny. I am not sure where the kid's parents were. On most rides you all start together and then everyone rides at their own pace. On this ride, we kept having to stop so that people could catch up. This was annoying since I have clip on pedals that I have to clip out of to stop. We went about 8 miles in two hours. Normally I do about 12-14 miles an hour.

Another purpose of the ride was to learn about the history of the six wards (or areas) of inner-city Houston. We didn't get to hear too much since my dad and I quit after about 8 miles. It was too frustrating to start and stop and the ride seemed to be taking forever. We did get some really cool "Tour de Hood" t-shirts. The experience made me want to go on another organized ride- maybe one that was more orthodox.

After the ride, we visited my parents' good friend, Vic in the hospital. He had been in a bad biking accident. Apparently he fell in a hole at a construction site. He was briefly paralyzed but seems to be doing okay now. He's getting a bit stir-crazy in the hospital so pray for a quick release.

Contemplating Change

As usual, I should be doing school stuff on a Sunday night but I am not. I just spent a little time laying on my porch swing and contempleating all that's going on in my life. This is one of those times of change, where it seems like there is significant change in almost every area of my life. I don't think it's felt this intense since Spring/Summer 2003 when I broke up with a boyfriend, my parents moved out of my childhood home, my best friend got married, I graduated from college and left Austin and was getting ready to go to Maui for the first time.

The first big thing that has happened recently is my brother deploying to Iraq. This is his second time there but it's different now that he has a baby. It feels like there is more at stake. I haven't really dealt with my emotions about him being in Iraq for a year. I know I need to deal with them and I can feel them bubbling up inside me but I have been unable to let them out. I am running on denial right now, which I know is unhealthy in the long run but easier to deal with now. I'm trying to pray and remind myself that his life is in God's hands but even that is tinged with a large dose of denial. I know I will have to break down and have a good cry about it but right now it's like my emotions are clogged inside of me and not coming out yet.

The other big changes are impending. My parents are very close to owning an incredible house in the Heights. I mean, this place is just awesome! This is a change that does not bother me one bit. In fact, I am pretty excited about it. Their current home is the townhome they bought after moving out of my childhood home. I was never especially attached to it. In fact, my second parents growing up, the Harnlys, have sold their home and that feels far more traumatic than my parents current move. I went to the Harnlys today and despite knowing they'd sold their house, I felt my heart drop when I saw the SOLD sign in their front yard. So, I am excited about my parents move because the house is just awesome. I am pumped about living there this Summer.

I am moving out of my current house at the end of the month. You would barely know it if you came in my house since I have been a master procrastinator about packing. I have a feeling that most of it will be left until the last minute in my usual style. It's a bit overwhelming since I have to have my classroom cleaned and packed up by almost the exact same date. I haven't made that much progress in that department either. I feel somewhat relieved to be leaving my school with all its politics and drama but I will deeply miss my students and the friends I have grown close to there.

I am still planning to complete another YWAM school in Maui in the Fall though I don't know officially whether I have gotten in or not. The school runs from September through December. After that I plan on coming home for Christmas so my poor mom has at least one of her children. Then, my plans are a little less solid. This is starting to make me feel uneasy since I like to know what comes next. I am hoping to stay in Maui and work on the English teaching curriculum for the China project but I am not 100% sure that's what God has in store for me. I also have hopes of going to China for a year or more after Andrew gets back from Iraq but that doesn't feel for sure yet. It's like I have a feeling deep down that things will turn out very differently than the way I see them in my mind right now. And to be honest, despite an unwavering faith that God has good in store for me, my overall uncertainty about my future is quite scary. So, I know as I have had to do in other times of great change, I need to cling to God, the only thing in life that is guaranteed not to change, and ride this thing out.

Weird Week

***I have been lax in writing blog entries. This one was started a week ago and pertains to the last week in April. ***

This is a very strange week. Monday was fairly normal at school cramming the kids for the Math TAKS test the following day. Then that night it rained like it must have in the days of Noah. Young Life was canceled so luckily I didn't have to leave the house. The next morning, my roommate tells me that some schools were closed. It seemed pretty much every district other than mine was closed for severe flooding. It turns out both my friend, Ann's and my friend, Andres's houses got flooded. Please pray for them esp. Ann since she owns her home and does not have flood insurance.

Because of the crazy weather, our district postponed the Math TAKS test that was suppoed to be that day. It really threw us all off- kids and teachers. Then the school district announced that absences would not be counted that day for students or teachers. Now, why did I show up?

The real test happened that Wednesday and we didn't get out of school until 4pm even though our students were finished way before that. We just had to sit there.

On Thursday and Friday, the 4th and 5th graders were taking their TAKS tests. This meant the third graders who normally share their hallway, were banished to random other parts of the school. On Thursday, I had about 30 kids at the end of the Kindergarten hallway. Not ideal at all! We pretty much just watched movies. And we still had to stay at school an hour longer than usual. UGH!

On Friday, I had only my 20 kids in one of the computer labs. Again, another movie day. What was the point of even coming to school? Luckily the day was cut short by the faculty basketball game. I had been looking forward to this all week. I had fun like last year but I kept getting double and triple teamed. I guess they remembered my skills from last year. Some of the people definitely had no basketball experience. I tried to set a pick on one guy and he gave me a sweaty bear hug. Eww! Disgusting! I had practiced the day before at the gym but it was pointless since we played with a ball smaller than a women's ball and on an eight foot goal. Overall it was fun to get out and play. Good end to a crazy week.

free time doesn't feel so free

Normally on Monday nights I have a Bible study for Young Life. Tonight it was canceled and it's raining like the times of Noah and the great flood. So much for my idea of going to the gym to practice a little basketball for the big faculty game Friday. And now, I am left with unexpected free time. And there in lies my problem.

I have a little more than a month left of school. It feels pretty surreal. There is a lot that goes into checking out of my classroom at the end of the year. Right after school ends, I am moving out of my house and into my parents' house. Since I still have a month before both happen almost simultaneously, I really should start packing, cleaning and throwing away a little at a time. Unfortunately knowing what you should do and actually doing it are two completely different things. And I tend to be a bit of a procrastinator. I wrote almost all my college papers the night before and almost always pack late into the night before I go on a trip. I find it very hard to be productive when I have free time.

I pack a lot of scheduled activities in my week and get a lot done. I spend a good portion of the week at school, Young Life or hanging out with friends. But when I do have free time, I just can't bear to do anything terribly productive. In fact, yesterday was the first time I'd made a real trip to the grocery store since Spring Break. It's not that I don't have the free time, I do have some but I tend to use it more as a recovery from my otherwise busy schedule. Maybe if I scheduled "clean my room" or "go to the grocery store" at a specific date and time, I would do it. But then again knowing myself, I probably wouldn't.

I have a dream of writing books for children or humorous memoirs for adults someday. I don't see this happening until I find a way to gain better control of my free time. When given an expanse of unaccounted for time, large or small, I tend to spend most of it watching TV, taking naps, surfing the internet or reading books. None of these are particularly bad, but they definitely don't classify as being productive. I guess if I had some sort of "office" I went to for a predetermined amount of time to write, I could do it. That is presupposing that I could make a living writing which has yet to be proven. I did recently read that Dr. Seuess's first book was rejected by publishers 27 times. Dr. Suess is arguably one of the best loved and most prolific children's book writers in history. If he could go through all that rejection and not give up, the least I could do is give it a shot, right?

Scowling at construction workers

My street has been under construction for several months and it has been a huge hassle. For some reason, they find it necessary to begin work before 7am on Saturdays. This should clearly be illegal. They've also blocked off our street for months. Our trash has not been picked up in weeks because there is no place to put it where the garbage men can get to it. Annoying!

We used to have a little parking lot type thing at the front of our house. It could fit five cars and was a super convienent place to park. This was destroyed pretty much the first day of construction. They promptly deposited a seven foot mound of dirt in front of our house and various construction equipment that I couldn't name even if I tried. Our street has been closed and we've resorted to parking in the backyard of the abandoned house next door. It's pretty hillbilly and as the construction has moved further down our street, consuming more and more parking, m our make-shift parking lot has become more and more crowded.

This has angered the crazy bird lady who lives behind us. She uses this backyard to feed her beloved pigeons and seems to feel that our parking woes are less important than feeding what some people refer to as flying rats. When we first started parking back there, she wrote crazy handmade signs on old dinner plates or scraps of cardboard that proclaimed that there is to be no parking in the little concrete square where she feeds her feathered friends. I think she's given up for now given the large number of cars parked back there now. It is simply too crowded for the birds.

It's only recently become clear that our parking places have been permanently destroyed. They've finally poured the concrete on our street and I can see the telltale rebarb signs that there will be a large curb in front of our house instead of a parking pad. This is very inconvienent. Thankfully we will only be living here for a month and a half. Apparently we will be parking behind our neighbor's house for the rest of our time here. Ugh. I am not even sure that the street will be finished before we move out. This will make the whole process a lot more interesting. Oh well. There's not much I can do about it. I do try to give the construction workers dirty looks but it doesn't seem to be changing anything. I know it's not their faults but it makes me feel a little better.

I still exist

I have not blogged in a while. This is partly because I've been busy and partly because I'm lazy. Last weekend I felt like I was going nonstop. On Friday night, my teacher friends and I went out to eat and then watched "The Fast and the Furious." I saw an abnormal amount of people I know. I saw three of my Young Life kids from three years ago. I saw a fellow Young Life leader that I volunteer with now. Then, to top it all off, we saw two of my students when we were at the movie. I love my students but it's weird to see them outside of school. I was going to hide, but Helen yelled out their names so they came over for hugs even though I'd seen them only a few hours earlier.

On Saturday, I had good old Saturday tutorials in the morning. Yuck! Then at night I went to my roommates' sister's wedding. Since I live with two sisters, our place was wedding central: housing out of town guests and serving as site of fancy brunches. My roommate, Sarah made the wedding cake at our house so I suppose bakery would be an apt title as well. At the wedding, reception I was in charge of running the cotton candy machine. Despite my very long list of jobs I've done in a wedding, running a cotton candy machine was something I'd never done. I love doing things I've never done before! It was harder than I expected. I have a new respect for carnies now.

I helped clean up after the wedding until 11pm and woke up at 6pm to ride my bike 64 miles the next morning. The ride was sponsored by McDonald's so we were sent on our way by a man in a Ronald McDonald costume. We were told that Hamburgler and Grimace would be there but I didn't see them. What a letdown!

After the ride, I went to my best friend, Sarah's to get cleaned up and hang out. Then I had to go give a speech at my church about mission work.

Overall my weekend felt pretty packed but it was fun. I tend to prefer being busy over not having enough to do. If I have too much freetime, I always seem to waste it.