I have recently discovered that I don't really know how to date. What I mean is that I don't really understand all the rules and procedures.
The only real relationship I have had began after over two years of friendship. When you start dating a friend, you are automatically serious because you already know you want to be with them. You also don't have to go through the "get to know you" phase. I understand how to have the friends become more type relationship.
What I don't understand is the meeting someone and then dating them shortly after route. I have gone on a few dates with guys and it's hard to know how long it is supposed to take to figure out if you can actually be with them. I have noticed that you can sometimes figure out on the first date. Maybe you realize that no matter how nice they are, you just aren't attracted to them. Maybe they talk about their pets too much or don't leave a tip.
I went on a couple of dates with one guy but couldn't figure out what to think. He was a really strong Christian and nice guy but not dorky. But he also wasn't very fun or funny. Funny is pretty important. Life is full of crappy stuff at times and I know I need someone who can make me laugh and forget about my troubles. But there wasn't anything bad or wrong with him.
My mom, who used to simultaneously date many men in college, told me I should give the guy at least three dates to decide what I think. I definitely think one date is not enough unless it is just super obvious it won't work for one of you. There is often a lot of awkwardness and nervousness during that first date so it isn't a true representation of one's personality.
But I don't think I subscribe to my mom's theory of three dates. After two dates with the aforementioned guy, I was not dazzled. He was not someone I couldn't stop thinking about. No need to lead him on with a third, right? Also I have been told many times that I am going to marry someone amazing. I sure hope this is true. And even if it isn't apparent to everyone, I should at least think he's amazing. You can figure that out by date two, right?
And then, if you make it past date two, when it is okay to hold hands, to kiss, to say that you are officially dating, etc? It seems to be a lot more straight-forward with someone you were friends with first. I would try to look on the internet for some guidelines but I am pretty sure that the usual advice is not to have sex on the first date- wait until the third. For a Christian woman who will not be having sex until after a fabulous friend-filled wedding, this advice really sucks.
I guess I am really just going to have to figure this out as I go but I wish there was some kind of universal guidelines we could all follow. There would be no hard feelings or misunderstandings. It probably won't happen right? Maybe I should just move to India and get an arranged marriage. Then I would know what to do- you meet, get married and then have sex all on the first day. No confusion there, huh?
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