Elastic Basket for my Peaches

I also have a website: www.lizhightower.com

Monday, May 14, 2007

Who needs emotions, right?

I recently realized that I have inadvertantly turned my emotions off. This is not something that I normally can do or try to do. I have several friends (mostly guys) who seem to be able to consistently turn their emotions on and off. One tried to tell me that this is a good and easier way to live. I don't agree. It seems to me that most people who practice this coping mechanism come to a point where the emotions have to come out whether the person wants to or not. Sometimes this can take years, but it will come out. And when emotions come out like that, it's usually very painful and hard-worse than if you let them out naturally.

I usually like to handle my emotions in my time and not stuff them away. That's why I am surprised that I have turned mine off. I have been thinking and praying about it and I guess I don't want to deal with the fears and stress that come with my little brother going back to Iraq in about a week. He is one of my favorite people and probably the person I love most in this world. I have loved and tried to protect him since the day he was born. I know he feels called to go back and I want to support him but in order to fully do that, I can't think about the reality of him going back to a place where people are actively trying to end his life. That's why I think my emotions are off. I think the solution is to spend a lot more time praying and talking with the Lord. For now, though the emotionlessness has had some benefits.

I haven't been nervous about things that I would normally be nervous about like job interviews. This comes in handy because confidence makes a good impression. I have a visit to a potential elementary school tomorrow. I really want this job but I feel no stress or worry. Those of you who pray, though, please pray that it all goes well.

This weekend I went to College Station for my friend, Lee's graduation from college. He's 31 and has been out of high school for thirteen years so it was a pretty big deal. His mom died four years ago and had really wanted him to finish college. If I wasn't such an emotionless droid, I know I would have cried when I saw that Lee had written on the top of his graduation cap, "I did it Mom!" Because it was such a big deal, most of our friends came from all over Texas, Lousiana and Mississippi. It was so fun to have everyone together again. We usually only get together as a group at weddings. It was nice to have more time to hang out. I also got to see Lee's family, who I really enjoy. His nephew Jonah is super friendly. He's four years old now and even though I hadn't seen him since he was a toddler, we were instantly friends. He asked me if I had a boyfriend. I told him no. Then he asked if that was because my mom wouldn't let me. I told him no and asked who he thought should be my boyfriend. To this, he smiled and pointed to himself. Unfortunately I think the age difference is just too much but it was a nice offer. I got to see my friends, Erin and Zach's baby, Joe. He looks like such a mix of both of them. I like it when that happens.

This week, my schedule is super weird. I have school visits on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings and then I work at night until after 10pm. Then I have a day off and then Friday night I work. It's very different than my usual 10-4 weekday schedule. I am glad for the day off, though. I am hoping to go to the beach finally (not the same as Maui, though) and spend some extra time with the Lord. I am glad for the break.

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